Daily Archives: February 3, 2011

Truth Machine Analysis: Is Charlie Sheen Porn Family Good For Family Values?

Here at the ATM, I try to cut through the media B.S. and spin to get to the truth.  And now that I’m covering celeb news in order to increase my blog traffic, I’ve decided to analyze celeb stories with as much intellectual muscle as I analyze political and economic stories.  First up, Charlie Sheen’s proposed porn family!

So, is it a good idea for Charlie Sheen to buy a house just down the street from his place and hire porn stars to live there?  The answer is obviously no.  This is not a cost-effective means for Mr. Sheen to get adult entertainment.  It would be much more economical to build a porn star guest house on his existing property, as this would save him money on additional utility bills, cable TV (so they can watch reruns of Two and a Half Men on FX), and property taxes.  So, please, Charlie, just build a guest house instead of buying a completely new property for your porn pals.

But what about the porn family’s impact on family values?  Many political and cultural leaders decry the degradation of the family as a basic unit.  Single parent homes, divorce, deadbeat dads, and Eddie Cibrian have all contributed to the destruction of society, in their view.  Charlie Sheen, always the forward-thinker, has figured out a way to turn a destructive force, pornography, into a positive force for families.  By bringing porn starts together, Charlie Sheen is showing that family is just as important as to him as cocaine, booze, and breasts.  And that, my friends, is a positive step for mankind.


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Filed under Entertainment, Satire, The Culture

Charlie Sheen Expected Back on Show Soon

Charlie Sheen is screwed up.  He told a porn star he wanted to buy a house and create a “porn family” that he could visit from time to time.  He went to rehab, but it wasn’t at a rehab facility.  Instead CBS sent a rehab specialist to Sheen’s house.  E! Online has details that Sheen is expected back on “Two and a Half Men” before the end of the month.  Initially, it seemed that the show would go on temporary hiatus until he got better, but since he’ll probably die before he stops his boozing and drugging and whoring ways, it makes sense for CBS to milk as much advertiser dollar out of him as they can before his end.  I bet CBS management loves that he’s such a reckless party boy, just like his character.  Anyway, here’s the story from E!:

Charlie Sheen was right. When we asked him if Two and a Half Men would be shut down for some time, Sheen told us it was “all crap.”

Now Sheen’s even got a time frame to go back to work: his rep tells E! News the actor is eyeing a return to the set by the end of the month. “I understand that is what is being targeted,” says publicist Stan Rosenfield.

Well, that was one quick “rehab.”

Production on Two and a Half Men temporarily halted last week when the actor announced he would seek treatment for substance abuse (one show source told E! Online’s Awful Truth that the crew “was really pissed” about Sheen’s hijinks affecting their livelihood). The treatment has been taking place at his home instead of a more tradition rehab center.

Yesterday, Sheen texted us and told us to “believe nothing” in the news when it comes to reports about him and his partying.

“I will never speak about any of this as long as I’m alive. You’re all gonna have to keep towing the same redundant line, guessing wrong,” he said.

He then suggested the focus on his situation was overblown and that we should be focusing instead on the political unrest in Egypt.

“BTW, two wars are in an endless state of sorrow. Egypt about burned to the ground, and all you people care about is my bullsh-t….?”

Charlie Sheen has a point.  Why the hell do we care about this?  Maybe because this is part of my new blogging strategy to get more people to read my blog.  And since 90% of people who use the internet do so to live vicariously through celebrities, I figure this is a good start.

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Filed under Entertainment, The Media

That Crazy Guy Charles Manson Caught with Cell Phone in Prison

Who, exactly, does Charles Manson need to call?  I don’t know, but I read a story on People Magazine’s website today about how Manson has been caught, not for the first time, with a cell phone:

Charles Manson has been discovered with a contraband mobile phone in his California jail cell for the second time in two months.

The notorious ringleader of 1969’s so-called Manson murders was caught with the smuggled cell phone on Jan. 6 in a highly protected area inside the state prison at Corcoran, reports Sacramento’s KCRA.

Prison officials, who also confiscated a phone from Manson in December, are looking into how he obtained this latest device.

In December, the Los Angeles Times reported that Manson had used the first phone to make calls and send texts to people in California, New Jersey, Florida and British Columbia.

I have nothing to say about this.  I am only posting this to increase traffic to my blog.  I expect to post something about the Twilight cast soon and will be analyzing Charlie Sheen’s drug and alcohol problems.

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Filed under Entertainment

There is Rocket Fuel in Your Tap Water

Yes, there is rocket fuel in your water.  Specifically, perchlorate, which is just one ingredient of rocket fuel.  It has been linked to thyroid and other health problems.  By the way, there is also arsenic in your water, because the fluoride that is added to water comes from a solution that contains arsenic.  So next time you go to drink water from the tap, you might want to put it through a reverse osmosis machine or distiller before you drink it.  Here’s the story from The Boston Herald:

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Filed under The Environment, The Truth