Don’t Touch My Junk

The TSA’s new screening procedures, which include the option of either a full-body scan (which essentially shows the TSA agent your naked body) or a pat down (which is more like a feel-up), have caused a lot of controversy.

Enter John Tyner, who, after recording his encounter with the TSA, has become a viral video star.

While going through the new security procedures at the San Diego Airport, Mr. Tyner, who opted for the pat down instead of the full-body screening, responded to a TSA agent’s description of the procedure by saying “if you touch my junk, I’ll have you arrested.”

At his blog, Mr. Tyner decribes what happened:

I made my way through the line toward the first line of “defense”: the TSA ID checker. This agent looked over my boarding pass, looked over my ID, looked at me and then back at my ID. After that, he waved me through. SAN is still operating metal detectors, so I walked over to one of the lines for them. After removing my shoes and making my way toward the metal detector, the person in front of me in line was pulled out to go through the backscatter machine. After asking what it was and being told, he opted out. This left the machine free, and before I could go through the metal detector, I was pulled out of line to go through the backscatter machine. When asked, I half-chuckled and said, “I don’t think so.” At this point, I was informed that I would be subject to a pat down, and I waited for another agent.

A male agent (it was a female who had directed me to the backscatter machine in the first place), came and waited for me to get my bags and then directed me over to the far corner of the area for screening. After setting my things on a table, he turned to me and began to explain that he was going to do a “standard” pat down. (I thought to myself, “great, not one of those gropings like I’ve been reading about”.) After he described, the pat down, I realized that he intended to touch my groin. After he finished his description but before he started the pat down, I looked him straight in the eye and said, “if you touch my junk, I’ll have you arrested.” He, a bit taken aback, informed me that he would have to involve his supervisor because of my comment.

The TSA’s new scanners, which show your naked body to a  TSA agent, clearly violate a person’s Constitutional right to privacy and the fourth amendment to the Constitution.  So does the other option the TSA gives you:  the full body pat down/groping.

This doesn’t make us safer.  It just pisses everyone off and makes traveling that much more difficult.  I don’t want a sweaty TSA perv touching my junk.  Nor should a TSA agent get to see me naked, all in the name of “safety.”  You want safety on an airplane?  How about bomb-sniffing dogs?  Maybe we should let the airlines handle security, since they actually have the profit motive to ensure safe skies and efficient screening procedures.  Why does the government need to see my dick just to know that I don’t have a bomb strapped to it?

“Do you have a bomb in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?”



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