- An American man was shot to death by Mexican pirates, now the victim’s family wants Obama to get involved. I guess since Obama has such a great track-record with solving problems… Oh, wait, never mind. Although I still want to know what hat a Mexican pirate wears: sombrero or tricorne?
- An opposition leader in Iran has called for a referendum on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s foreign policy, calling it “destructive.” He won’t be alive much longer, or will go into “hiding.” Or, if this actually gets to a vote, the revolutionary guard will conveniently “misplace” all the votes against Ahmadinejad. “Praise be to Allah! 100% of Iranians support me. Now excuse me for a moment while I order a nuclear attack against Israel. Free pork sandwiches for everyone!”
- Rick Sanchez has apologized to Jon Stewart. He has yet to apologize to CNN viewers, who were forced to put up with his ridiculous antics for far too long.
- Parker Spitzer debuted on CNN last night. It was as creepy, and boring, as expected.